Streaker

Among my reading, I stumbled across this entry by a blogger whom I've followed for quite some time now. The quote he uses is this one: “The human race is an unfair and stupid competition. A lot of the runners don’t even get decent sneakers or clean drinking water. Some people are born with a massive head start, every possible help along the way and still the referees seem to be on their side. It’s not surprising some people have given up competing altogether and gone to sit in the grandstand, eat junk food and shout abuse. What we need in this race is a lot more streakers.”

- Bansky, from Cut It Out Vol. 3. 

This quote reinforced my adoration for his writing style and thought process. 

Now, my life... 

Things are changing, as they tend to do. I am in a relationship with Bunny, and he is good to me. I am already experiencing the fear and the aggravation of my flight response. Getting close to people is horribly scary for me, and it never seems to get any easier. So, I question, I push away, I get angry... I'm fighting giving up on this, and I don't know if the doubts I have are simply my own fear of trusting someone or if they're logical and based in reality. I'm trying, but thinking of what others would want for me, I am even less sure than I would be otherwise. I'm beyond frustrated. He's the first guy my father ever expressed anything positive about, well, during said guy's life, anyway. I miss Danger like crazy, and I try to figure out if this is the same mistake I made with him, or if this is really as wrong as I fear it is, and if I'm just pushing Bunny away out of fear. 

It's so frustrating for someone like me to be the alpha in a relationship, to be the only one who has aspirations and know what they want to do, what they like... I don't know how to handle this.


Once payday comes, I am going to sign up for belly dancing classes. I have gotten good at keeping myself going to the gym during lunch, and doing physical training with my unit as well. I want to get myself on a schedule, one that includes hobbies (belly dance, hopefully writing will eventually fall into a schedule, as well), my physical exercise as well as my Faith. I have been poor, lately, at getting to Feast and events like I should. I also want to go back to being a vegetarian. I'm sure that will prove difficult, at best, but it's something I've been considering for a while. 


In the process of preparing to cut meat out entirely, I stumbled across a number of free iPod touch applications, and a blog I hadn't heard of before. (You'd be amazed how unusual it is for me to find a popular blog I'm unaware of.) The Messy Vegetarian Cook is a blog I'll be interested to look more into. 


Meanwhile, back at the farm, work is going well, mostly. I'm studying for the promotion board, I have a new NCO who's actually a medic like myself, and my Soldier's coming back from her time off on Monday. It's going to be busy for a while, but I'm looking forward to life in general. It's a nice change.