Patience

Kicker and I are doing well- sort of.
Monday will be 3 weeks we've been together, and, yes, the man is irritating me, but not in the way I would have expected. I barely see him, as he's busy between playing with his truck n motorcycles and his motorcycle club. My patience is wearing thin, but I am trying to hang in there. He swears it'll slow down soon. Even when I am staying at his place, I barely see him lately. I spent a lot of money for his birthday, and, well, it was a rough night in the end. He really does work hard to take care of me and to try to fix things that I'm having trouble with/upset about. Effort is something I haven't seen a lot of from guys, and it means a lot to me that he's trying as hard as he is. None the less, I continue to struggle with my own feelings of frustration and disappointment when I don't see him or hear his voice for days at a time, and when he sleeps for 12 hours or more, only to get up and be on the run again as soon as his feet hit the ground.
I'm holding on, though it's getting harder and harder. I doubt there's much I wouldn't do for him, though I've found myself spending time with other people more than him, some being guys. I haven't cheated on him, and I doubt I ever could. I find myself sending male friends text messages of things I'd rather be saying to him, because I know I won't get a response from him. I find myself doing things with them I'd rather be doing with him, because I know he doesn't have the time/energy to do them with me.
I care about him more than words can express, and I'm holding on for dear life, trying to learn to take responsibility for my own emotions while attempting to find a balance between doing things to make myself feel better and trying to ensure I don't end up emotionally unfaithful.
This is a hard road, my friends, and this is only my relationship.
I suppose struggling with this, I should be more concerned by my newly discovered fascination with Mae West.
Work is getting more and more complicated and frustrating, with many changes being made. I finally have someone in charge besides myself, and, while I'd thought this would make life easier, mostly, it's changed the majority of what I was comfortable with. I'm still doing the vast majority of what I was already responsible for, so to say he's doing a lot may be questionable. I stayed at work late at least 4 out of 5 nights this past week, while he left at 2 one of those days, instructing the junior Soldiers that we shouldn't be leaving before 3:30. To say I disagree with his particular style of leadership may be an understatement- we are nearly complete opposites. I enjoy people and goofing off and having fun, and he thinks they won't respect my opinion as a medic because I joke around with them.
I will fight for my Soldiers every time, and he just doesn't seem to care about them.
Dad is going through a bankruptcy and I am barely staying afloat myself, so I have been unable to help. There's always something that requires more money than I expected, though that may be a bit of an understatement lately.
I'm struggling. I haven't given up, but, boy am I struggling.