Love & Danger

Kicker hasn't bothered to speak to me if it isn't avoidable in the line of duty.
I was hurt for a while, but it's been over a week now, and I'm tired of being mad, or hurt, or even acknowledging his existence and the damage he did.
I do not, however, have any regrets, and know I am doing better where relationships are concerned.
I dreamt of Danger last night, vividly. I refuse to recount the dream, because there's so little of him that's just mine at this point, and, well, I want to be greedy about this little part.
I miss him desperately, though last night was the best dream I've ever had, perhaps, and led me to believe that some things will be clarified for me in the next week. I am so in love with this man, even nearing a year after his death. I want to hold on to the feeling of faith, hope and love that dream gave me forever- even the slight twinge of pain that accompanied these feelings.
I don't know what answers I will have, but something will come.
I miss him and love him so much.
I've began keeping my distance from my local Baha'i community, though I hate to say so. I find myself feeling guilty and stretched thinner and thinner and weaker, rather than stronger, when I am around them too much. I do not feel uplifted, I feel drained and like less of a person, so I stay to myself and do what I can to learn what I should on my own.
I have planned to take some leave, though I'm still deciding what it is I'll do during this time.
I somehow feel hopeful today, though sad. I feel closer to Danger than I have in quite some time.