One Of Them

I tell people, especially people I'm seeing or considering dating, that I'm emotional.
I had someone point out that saying that's a bit redundant, as 'all humans are emotional'.
Yet, if a tear rolls down my face at work- about anything- all hell will surely break loose and I don't have to question for one second that I lost somebody's respect for feeling something. I'm in the Army, I'm not supposed to have feelings when other people can see them. If I even bother to attempt to explain why something hurt/offended/pissed me off, I'm wrong for feeling that, and I'm no fun, and I'm too much of a girl, too sensitive, etc, etc, fucking etc.
I'm beyond tired of this. I'm trying so hard to distance myself, but how the hell am I supposed to ever be happy if I just keep having to distance myself from everyone and everything? I'm not allowed to feel anything, because, obviously, feelings are a "chick trait". I'm tired of living this way. I'm tired of trying my ass off to be a dude without losing who I am just to find some success- it's fucking futile.
Work? Gotta be like the guys, or nobody will respect me.
Dating? Gotta act more like a guy, or they'll never be able to put up with me.
Driving? Women drivers are terrible, can't drive like them.
"Date like a dude, or get played like a bitch."
"Act like a lady, think like a man." -Steve Harvey
"Do it like a dude." -Jessie J
"Like a boy." -Ciara
I DON'T WANT TO BE ONE OF THEM. I JUST WANT TO BE ME.