Quarter Century Chaos

So, my 25th birthday is only a few days away, and Danger is in my head more than ever, it seems.
I miss him so much.
I'm trying so hard to live all the things he taught me, and I really am doing better at it, but I just miss him so much.
I have friends coming from all over town, and one friend, Cam, flying in for my birthday. I'm scared to be 25, as strange as that must sound, but it makes sense to me. Every day that goes by lately, it seems, I have a moment that dawns on me as being a "grown up" moment. It's like holy crap, this is what it's like to be an adult! At 25 years old, there's no more kid time, no more excuses for not getting it- there's not even anymore early 20's. It's mid-20's, in the most strict, literal sense of the word. Am I ready for that? Am I ready to be a grown up?
I've overcome ridiculous amounts of stuff, and busted my butt, and grown up SO MUCH, and joined the frikking Army, and I still am just not sure I'm ready to feel like a grown up. Maybe that's why I don't have my own car yet. I don't know. Every bill I have to pay is one more thing that makes me realize I'm an adult. I don't like that feeling. I want to be free, but... not.
This just doesn't make any sense.