Difference

"But this one's different!"
How many times have I said that?
It's always been true. Every person I've dated really was different than the others.
We're individuals, it's kinda part of the deal, no?

Anyway, Bright Eyes attempted to set me straight in an email that followed my last blog.
He said I've gotten "absolutely giddy" about "at least 4 guys" in the last couple months- presumably, he was not including himself. I went back and, as best I could, between blog and memory, ensured I wasn't completely off-base for saying "WTF" when I read this sentence.
Four guys?
Um, no...
Bunny and I have been friends, and I really wish that there was something ultimately more than that, but, yes, I'll admit to getting "giddy" about him at one point and time. Bunny is, and likely always will be, amongst the best men I've ever known. He's wonderful, and, truth be told, I love him- just not that way. I've been truly grateful to have him in my life, and I don't really like the thought of not having him there. However, we were friends. He only very recently got his divorce finalized and, while he's been wonderful, I'd be lying if I said I hadn't walked on him at all. It wasn't intentional, but, yes, there were choices I made that could have been made better for his sake.
Flag, Scout and a few random, vague references to male friends are the only people, besides Bright Eyes, and, now, Doc that I have mentioned. Bright Eyes is a man I love very much, and I love his daughter very much. I walked on him once, though, so it seems unlikely that would change a whole lot during a second round. Flag and Scout are good guys but one date, once, with Flag, I seriously have trouble comprehending as "giddy". He's a great guy, but, really? One date and it's serious enough to pull out an email? Anyway, that frustration aside....

Doc is a friend of a friend. Yes, there are a lot of changes going on in my life, but to assume that they are because of one- or several, even- man/men is a bit, um, demeaning. I have had enough things change in recent months- Danger's death, moving back to the town I knew as a child, things with my father- that I'm a little surprised subsequent, smaller, and more positive and self-driven changes have even been worth note. I have finally chosen to let go of my bad habit of holding on to "other options" when I'm in a relationship, and really focus. I have realized that I need someone strong enough to stand up to me who also treats me well. I have found this in Doc. I am truly blessed and very proud of my growth.