Every time I look back, though, I can't put my finger on any moment when one feeling changed to the next, on any decision I made that I shouldn't have, anything I could have done to stop all that came after.
He never should have made me feel that way, but it was something I'd never felt before.
Now, I face letting it go.
I spent so many years feeling like I didn't have the right to say no- and what was the point, no man would listen if I said no, anyway.
I've finally moved on from that.
Now, how do I block them from getting into my heart before I'm ready?
How do I stop this pain before it starts?
It's not like I don't know when it's someone I shouldn't be dealing with- there's pretty clear cut signs, or they're simply too good to be true. It's not all that complicated.
Yet, I just can't seem to shut my heart off to people the way I want to.
I look at this pain, and the situation that caused so much of it, over and over and over... And the only thing I can see to take away from it is what it really means to trust someone with your body... There was a time when it didn't hurt- I was so numb- to let someone in like that, even though the end result was always pretty much the same emptiness.
Nobody can have it anymore. Nobody can have me. I'm through.
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