Hellfire

As is prone to happen, the Bear snuck up on me.
The bear is the only way I can reference this horrible person that pops into my head at marked times of the month.
I was doing so well on the anti-depressants and, well, what a day to forget my morning meds.

Mr. Nice Guy is out to dinner with a female friend.
In general, I have no issues with this. I trust him.
Her, on the other hand...
I was pretty passive about the first dinner they had when Mr Nice Guy and I first started seeing each other. I'm not the type to judge or be jealous.
So, when he mentioned this dinner with the same girl, I told him I'd like to meet her. She agreed.
Then changed her mind.
I don't know if it was her comment that she "saw no point" in meeting me or if it was the comment about how easily she makes enemies that set me on edge, but my general respect for this friend of my boyfriend's quickly fizzled.

Now, I haven't heard from him in three hours and he hasn't responded to a single text.
If I hear from him, I'm sure it'll get blown off to him having left his phone somewhere, but my heart hurts, and, even though I know most of it's hormones, and even though I took the allowed medication for this time of evening, I feel miserable and angry and hurt and jealous and depressed... And I'm just expecting him to blow me off for good. It's what men do.

It hurts so badly to think about all of this, but this is how I get when the "bear" wakes up, and I hate it. I just want so badly to hear from him, but mostly, just to feel like everything's okay. I know I can handle anything, but this isn't something I expected to have to deal with. He's been so respectful and made such an effort at letting me know what was going on, this just shakes me to the bone....

OThou Whose tests are a healing medicine to such as are nigh unto Thee, Whose sword is the ardent desire of all them that love Thee, Whose dart is the dearest wish of those hearts that yearn after Thee, Whose decree is the sole hope of them that have recognized Thy truth!  I implore Thee, by Thy divine sweetness and by the splendors of the glory of Thy face, to send down upon us from Thy retreats on high that which will enable us to draw nigh unto Thee.  Set, then, our feet firm, O my God, in Thy Cause, and enlighten our hearts with the effulgence of Thy knowledge, and illumine our breasts with the brightness of Thy names.

Bahá’u’lláh