One Of Three and The Exchanging Of Keys

I've had nightmares the last two nights. It's really eating at me, especially because they were new nightmares. I have, more or less, had the same nightmares over and over throughout my memory. It honestly scares the daylights out of me that these are not the same familiar, haunting nightmares I've always known. Something I wrote earlier for Facebook:

Think of three women you know- any three.

No, really. Pick three women in your head- your mom, sister, nieces, daughters.... Whoever you want.

Okay, you have your three? One of them has or will be, in their lifetime, a victim of sexual or physical assault.

Think about that.

You know someone who's been beaten and/or raped. You do, it's impossible not to. Now remember this the next time you laugh at a joke about it, thinking the word "rape" doesn't effect you. 

A joke is a way of making ourselves less sensitive to something.

If you want to make yourself less sensitive to something your friends and family are going through, go right ahead.

Personally, though, I'm going to remind people that it's something to be taken seriously.  

Because a real man doesn't have to get your sister drunk to get her to sleep with him.

Because a real man doesn't have to threaten, coax, or push your niece.

Because a real man won't force your daughter to do what he wants her to.

Because a real man won't ever forget what it means when you tell him no. 

I have had a lot going on in my head over these nightmares, as you can see.

Mr Nice Guy and I are past the month marker, and still moving smoothly forward.

I can honestly say that we are very much in love, and definitely learning to trust each other.

We both have jealous tendencies. It's interesting to be in a relationship where, instead of sneaking around looking for something to upset me, I pick up his phone right in front of him and tell him I'm being jealous today. He does the same thing, and it works for us. Neither of us feel like the other will cheat on us, really, but I think this is our way of setting boundaries and ensuring our rather open, honest, beautiful relationship isn't going to blow up in our faces. I can't help but think it's a good thing that we can be open with each other, even about something as personal and dangerous as jealousy.

Tonight, I asked him if I could trust him not to lose and not to misuse my spare truck key, should I entrust it to him. He assured me that I could, then asked me the same. I explained to him, as I tend to, in a great amount of detail, that such misbehavior is simply not my style, no matter how enraged I have become in the past. So, he has a spare key to my truck, and I to his. 

It feels right. 

He feels like the person who has my back, and will come running should I ever need to call. 

He feels like the person who wouldn't leave me stranded.

I may never really understand all the complex workings of my subconscious, and I may never completely "recover" from my past, but, while I'm still learning, I'm mostly learning how to be happy. 

And I'm enjoying it.