By The Grace Of God

There aren't words to express how much I miss Danger.
Amongst all the chaos of my life, the pain of losing him is a constant. Though I rarely speak his name lately, as people have, I suspect, grown quite tired of hearing me whine about how sad I am to not be able to speak to him, I doubt there's an hour that passes where he doesn't cross my mind. You would think the tattoos I have by him or the one for him would be more of a reminder, but, mostly, it's everything. No, really. Wal-Mart, tattoos, shoes, my laptop, my facebook, hospitals, myspace, bed, trains, the ocean, the pool, the highway, the couch, movies... Everything.
I don't know how it's possible to hurt so badly and not show symptoms of clinical depression. During the meeting I sat in on with the general, I learned that the average person thinks about death once every three days. I suppose that's about how often my own death has crossed my mind since he's passed. I'll say it again, to ensure nobody freaks out on me: I'm not suicidal. I don't believe in suicide, it's an act of complete ingratitude to God for the gift He gave to each of us. Some part of me, though, looks forward to the day when I see Danger again.
I'm having fun, keeping very busy, and generally enjoying life more than I have in quite some time. I have found a spark of hope in the existence of his life, despite his death feeling like a searing pain in my soul. He was, in my eyes, what Chuck Norris wished he could be. The man was frikking invincible. Kidney stones, asthma, whatever, it didn't phase him. He hung tough through it all. I remember the night I spent in the hospital with him- he kept telling me to go home. Eventually, I fell asleep, leaning forward in my chair next to his bed, so that my forehead was on his shoulder. He didn't wake me up. The nurse called me his wife when we first came in. I automatically responded with 'We're not married.' I was referred to as his girlfriend for the rest of the night. He and I weren't dating at that point. I don't think there was ever a time when I didn't love him.
I want him back.