Loss & Distance

I suppose it's no secret that I'm in a dark place right now.
Since Danger's death, I've been struggling to pull myself out of this ugly, dark, rollercoaster ride. I miss him more than daily, and I cry almost as often. After seeing four grandparents, a stepparent, a stepgrandparent, a great grandparent, a baby, and too many pets pass away, I never thought death could phase me any harder than it had. Danger's passing has proved that wrong.
While I spend so much of my time with Bunny, we are progressively more friend than anything more, and that's what I want. I don't feel comfortable with a relationship. It drives me crazy, because, while I know I shouldn't, I catch myself looking at men, and thinking about relationships and what-if's... Yet, my reality is, I feel I would be betraying Danger to get that close to someone again. Logic says one thing, but my heart has it's own direction. I miss him dreadfully, and want nothing more than to have him back.
I can see how my life could be full without a relationship, yet part of me cries out for one, anyway. It's a smaller part of me than it used to be, and I honestly hope that part eventually fades away entirely. I don't want anyone to take his place.
I feel like a sinner living the life I am, though the Baha'i concept of sin is far different than the Christian one. There is no confession, no Hail Mary's to be said. We don't confess our sins to another person, but account for them to God at the end of each day. Yet, I feel disant from Him. My heart seems to be elsewhere, and I don't know how to fix that. I am scared and hurting, and with few, if any, Baha'i folks here I am close to. It's so hard to truly open up to people....