Now where did I read that...

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Sunday, June 13, 2010

Bad Girlfriend/Good Baha'i?

So, there's been a few jokes about me among my roughneck-is-an-understatement friends/battle buddies these last few days.
"Virgin Slayer" and "Black Widow" seem to be the top ranking two nicknames I may be answering to any day.
I am in infantry land right now, and it is completely different than anything I've seen before. I was amazed at the attention I started getting from guys when I came to Korea, especially once I started girl-ing up a bit. Infantry land, however, is insane. I get gawks and stares on a level I didn't know was possible. This paired with my sweet-but-naive boyfriend, well, the guys think it's hilarious. I can see their point.
After the jokes, though, I started to realize something. I've always sort of found an identity in the off-the-wall jokes and nicknames and, well, this isn't the worst identity I could have come along just now. No, I don't mean tearing through men like they're tissues, I mean, well, not worrying about them so much. I've treated every guy in my life like this potential relationship and why in the world is that right?! How can it be? I've been treating guys who really don't even know me that well like they have an inherent right to have an opinion or part when it comes to my life. That's exactly what's been turning me around and getting me hurt. It's fine that I want to care about someone and not hurt others, but I do not need to give anyone else control over my life. They are not a part of my world until I make them a part of it.
I have lost focus of the things that are the most important to me in life plenty because of the men I have let into my life prematurely. Honor is a good man, but he is not special in that aspect. It's great that I found a good man, but it was premature.
Why am I letting the customers dictate this? It's my carnival, I'll run it how I want to!

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