Waiting For The World To Be Right

There's been a lot of changes with me lately.
I've learned to control and/or hide my emotions far better than I thought would ever be possible for me. I'm really loving that.
I'm learning to be a little more mindful and a little less worried.
I'm at the point where being the lone wolf doesn't scare me and, in fact, I think I prefer it. Like, for good.

This is not the person I expected to ever be. Some of these changes are exactly what I wanted, others I never considered, nevermind thought possible.

I'll be leaving Korea in a matter of a couple weeks, to go home to be responsible for another human being. No pressure.

The last two years I've spent doing little but growing the hell up. It was way past due, but no easier because of it's lateness. I still feel overwhelmed by much of what I've had to learn in these last two years. To sum it up, think of everything you learned about yourself and the world between the ages of 11 and 21. That's what I've had to learn in 2 years. Don't tell me it doesn't sound hard. Teenage years suck enough the first time around! On top of all this, quitting drinking. I went off post to dinner alone last night, and caught myself thinking about the fact that nobody would know if I got an alcoholic drink. I didn't cave, but I was pretty upset with myself for thinking like that. I really don't want to go back to that.

So, two years of growing up and moving on to be responsible for another human being. Lord have mercy. This is scary. The thought of doing it all alone, for good, is both better and worse, but scary none the less. I don't know how to process all of this.