Lady Likes

He opens doors for me.

He tells me I'm beautiful, and doesn't refer to me as a woman, girl, chick, b*tch or female- he always calls me a lady.

He's nervous to kiss me, and sex isn't even a topic for discussion, never mind a worry.

He asks me what I'm thinking- and listens to the answers.

He worries about me, and reminds me to be safe.

He's gentle with me, and my heart, and tells me he'd never want to hurt me.

I was sitting in class the other day, talking to a friend of mine and, before I'd realized there were only about five of us in the room, I said something that doesn't sound much like me.

"Why are the only guys who realize how awesome I am already married?"

Oh, I've complained about the good ones being taken before, but, me? Awesome?

When did I even start using that word?

I realized it'd came from talking to Tank about things, as that's one of his favorite words, though I'm not sure he'd ever used it to describe me specifically- he likes picking on me for fun, and the heckling goes both directions.

I've realized since I've been up here in these last two weeks that all the crap that I've had to fight for the last two years will probably be coming back with reinforcements as soon as I hit the states. Alcohol? Oh yeah- now I won't have to worry about it popping up on the system my commander can see when I buy liquor. Self-esteem? Ha, now I'll be back with the rest of the world, where it's not just Korean girl and American female Soldiers in the runnings. Whether this will be a plus or a kick in the ovaries, we'll find out.

Hopefully, it will be easier to surround myself with people of my own faith. I can only hope. It took quite some time for me to find fellow Baha'i folks here, but I would assume back in the U.S. it would be easier. I sure hope that's the case, though adapting to a new set of people, and waiting for them to adapt to my outgoing, straight-forward, shoot-from-the-hip nature, well, that will be an adventure for sure. I'm a great person, but Lord made me a handful.

Anyway, it's odd to me that so many things just seem to be settling right now. I assume it's because of the bigger things on their way, but, well, it's nice to see things fitting the way I've been wanting them to. I'm not as worried about dating, and my body is not number one on my list of stress factors for once, either. Things are getting better, I suppose, and it's about time.

Someday, I will find someone who loves me and treats me like a lady and who's conversation I miss as much as their touch and they will be all mine.

Or else, I will do it alone.

There's no need to give in, or give up.