My Guardian Angel

Oh, Lord, look at the tears flow.
Angel is not his real name, but it might as well be. He knows that's what he is to me. That's not even his nickname, but it sure is his job title.
During the process of my divorce, I was planning on joining the Army. It turns out, I had to take a detour to get where I needed to go. I met a Soldier who was stationed at Ft. Hood, who was also going through a divorce. We met online, and I decided to move out there, as I was barely making ends meet waiting tables in Georgia. It only took about 2 weeks and one meltdown before he decided he was done with me. I had moved 2,000 miles from anyone I knew, all my family being in Maine at that point. My almost-ex-husband at that point was stationed in Ft. Lewis, WA. He was trying to make arrangements to, once again, come save me from myself, but the man-child I'd moved to Texas for wanted me out like yesterday. I got on the computer, and was trying to find shelters or cheap hotels to stay at til the ex got there. I was talking to another guy from the area I'd met online, asking him questions about the area. He listened to me talk about staying in shelters and such and, well, I'll never forget that conversation.
"You're really thinking about staying in a shelter?" He asked
"Yeah, I've done it before."
"So, here's a thought. Instead of risking your ass with a bunch of people you don't know, why don't you come stay on my couch- then you're only risking your ass with one person you kinda know."
I moved in with Angel that day. We met at an Arby's in the middle of town, and I followed him back to his place. I gave my dad all of his information. We didn't sleep together and, in fact, the whole situation was very awkward. He was quiet, and I felt like I was in his way more often than not.

I woke up on the couch one morning to him leaving- it must have been a weekend. I got up, folded the blankets, and tried to wake up a bit. As I was sitting there, groggy with sleep, he came back in, with breakfast for both of us. I was shocked by this act of kindness, and sat at the table and ate with him. There's another conversation I'll never forget.

"So, let me get this straight. You're staying with me til your soon-to-be-ex-husband can come pick you up so you can move to Washington so you can get on your feet while living with him... And he's in the Army, and you had wanted to join the Army, but he wouldn't let you when you were married. Right?"
"Yeah."
"So, why don't you just stay here until you get on your feet. I mean, you can either find a job, or join the Army, and then you wouldn't be living with your ex."
"Ummmmmmm............................."

I had nothing. So I stayed. I came home from a friend's house one day to hear him yell for me from his office. I came in, only to see a blow-up mattress, with sheets, pillows and a blanket. He'd organized my stuff a bit, too, so it wasn't quite so much like I was living out of my suitcases/car. I was blown away. I felt like I had a home.

A few days later, I was sitting in the living room, reading my book on the couch, when Angel came home from wherever he'd been. The quiet, shy, to-the-point guy I'd been staying with bursts out with "GIGGITY-GIGGITY! ALRIIIIIIGHT!" To date, he still does the best Quagmire impression I've ever seen. It doesn't worry me as much as it probably should.

I'll never forget the first time he (tried to) hug me, either. Sounds touching, right? Not so much.
I woke up late, he was home on his lunch break. I stumbled out to the living room. He came out of his room, smiling. He said he was glad I was up, and, when that made me look at him sideways, he asked for a hug, still smiling. I backed up three steps.
"Why?" I asked. That's all I really remember saying. I might have asked him what he was up to, but, eventually he admitted his unit had gone through the gas chamber that day, and his uniform still reeked of it.

These are the stories that have defined, shaped and founded a friendship I still don't quite understand. I love Angel dearly, and at one point wanted nothing more than to date him. Part of me still does, but another part is convinced that's not in the cards for us. I adore him, and always will. Despite his protection and love, I've never really opened up to him, though some of it, I suppose, is that we've spent less time near one another than we have apart. I adore him, in any case, and hope at some point that level of intimacy in our friendship improves- now that I understand the difference between intimacy and sex.

Angel helped me grow up, and pushed me to be the woman he knew I could be, instead of the girl who came into his life. The whole time we lived together, it was never a question of it being anything more than him looking out for me. He had an advantage, and I was so scared and naive at that point, I probably would have given in. He never took advantage of that situation, though, and I love him for it more each day.