He's gone for 30 days.
I suck at relationships.
I want to step away from this, let it go. I'm trying hard to believe and trust that my friend Jerry is right, and that I just need to hang in there. Honor is a really GOOD man, and I could never say otherwise. I just feel like I'm babying him much of the time, though, like I'm having to guide him and teach him, well, everything. I don't suppose that alone bothers me, but the thought that I may have to teach him how to handle me, right when I need him most... That's scary for me. I'm kinda high-maintenance, I guess, though I've been told the opposite, too. I just really want to walk away from this. I thought I'd feel better once I talked to him, but that's not the case at all. I'm lonely, and talking to him made me remember that it felt like babysitting when we were alone together. He's so sweet, but he's so young. I love love LOVE that he doesn't pressure me for sex- finally! someone!- but I just can't imagine feeling that physical passion with him... I hate to say it, but I think he's going to end up more like a brother than a boyfriend, and I know that won't ever be something he is really okay with. I want Jerry to be right, I want the questions to go away... I don't think they will.
Will I always want to run when things settle down? Will I ever feel like the person I'm with is the one I want to be with? Will I ever be satisfied?
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