It is a place deeply symbolic of all the Baha'i faith stands for, in my own opinion. Amongst the struggles and crimes committed against our people, still there is a Baha'i community present and working for the betterment of the global community. If fighting to overcome oppression peacefully and attempting to create a better world in the meantime isn't symbolic of our community and faith, I simply don't know what is.
A friend of mine, married to a beautiful Persian woman, suggested amongst my relationship struggles, that I make friends with a Persian mother so that she might introduce me to an available Persian Baha'i man she might know. I giggled at the time, but I have begun corresponding with the first Persian I've had the fortune to meet, and I must say, I am rather thrilled with his intellect and knowledge of the world. He's handsome, dark, tall, athletic, educated, and just all around seems wonderful. My friend may not be quite as bias as I once thought!
I have an ever-increasing network of Baha'is in my life- world-wide now- and I am thrilled at this. I have always loved people, but there's a different quality about the Baha'i community. We trust each other, depend on each other. Every time I speak to a new Baha'i it is much the same; we begin with the sizing up, ensuring that the other is not of the rare sort that preaches just a little too much or remembers their own humanity just a tad too rarely. Once we've established that neither of us are amongst that group, we hit it off quite well, and find that we have a great deal in common, and that we both have quite a bit of interesting things to say and discuss. At least by military standards, if not American or human standards, the sizing-up period tends to be quite brief, though I think it's a natural and much-needed part of human interaction.
I seem to be hitting crossroads in my life at a rate of one or two a month now, and that's no joke. I feel the growth happening, and it's simply overwhelming some days. I find myself with nothing to do at work and hours left to do it in, and I'll start browsing Islam blogs or information sheets on the internet, as that is one part of the faith I have very little understanding of, as of yet. I'll read race blogs or Google sub-topics of diversity or world news. I know it wasn't all that long ago that I had little to no knowledge of the world I live in, but now, well, I get it, and I keep right on getting it. Perhaps this sounds a bit cocky, but I'm quite impressed with all the progress I've made.
I am realizing that my relationship and dating habits are becoming much more solid, in a sense, but much more fluid in another. I am rapidly learning what I do not like, and becoming much more able to identify that in folks before it gets far at all. I was rather amused by a rumor I heard about myself the other day. As is typical for the military life, there was a rumor that I'd slept with a good male friend of mine. While the rumor wasn't particularly amusing, and the friend isn't an unattractive man in any way, I found this amusing because I knew spot-on why I would never date this man seriously- he is in a state of healing emotionally, and physically much too aggressive. I want the exact opposite- someone who is tough, even to the point of being a little bit of a roughneck, emotionally, within reason, but who is very passive physically. I understand why now, too. I've finally truly started healing from my past traumas, and I see now what it is I truly want, as opposed to what I felt I would have to expect.
I am realizing what it is to know that I want only a specific person- and not to jump at the chance to just not be alone anymore. I am learning. Am I ready to settle down with one person for the rest of my life? Lord only knows. The thought of that makes my head spin. I suppose it'll all work itself out when it's meant to, but I certainly feel more prepared for the possibility of it now.
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