Amazing

Amazing, By Seal

It's a wonderful song.
"Everyone says you're amazing now that you're clean..... Say you don't know how you do it now, so you run..... I want you to always feel you're amazing."
These words just hit me so completely.
It's been over a year since I've been sober. I really have no true desire to ever drink again. Besides it being against what I believe in as a faith, it's against what I believe in as a person. I hate the person I am when I drink. No, I can't say hate.... I don't want to be the person I am when I drink, because I become my mother when I drink. I allow myself to make excuses for my behavior, I allow emotions to take control of me, and allow myself to stop caring about the outcome and about other people. I had a friend the other day try to insist (during a phone conversation) that there's nothing wrong with having a few drinks with friends. It's the same argument I've heard before. Honestly, it does upset me when people say this stuff. Strangers or people who don't know me well can say what they'd like- after 2 years in Korea, peer pressure is a second language. My friends, though, they should know better.

I understand most people did not see me at my worst. Many of the people that did see me at my worst didn't see half of what was going on.

The fact of the matter is, I am sober, I am not my mother, and I am proud to be able to be the person that I have worked so hard to be.