Intimate Prayers

It's not that I'm scared of being alone.
I'm scared of not knowing if I will always be alone.
I've been scarred and branded by my past, and I still work to heal all the wounds, and I wonder if I will ever succeed. I have always known I was meant for something special in this world, but I wonder if those things will be achieved without a partner standing by my side.
I've had this open in my browser tabs for weeks, but finally got around to reading it tonight, and it hit home.

Meanwhile, the more I read about Baha'i marriage and the requirement to have all parents give their consent, the more I struggle internally with my mother's alcohol abuse and strained relationship with my father and I. I stumbled across this blog over at Baha'i Coherence about a similar topic. Some part of me thinks her alcoholism and abusiveness would be grounds to say she's not capable of giving consent, but I know it's one of those few rules that, as Baha'is, we are pretty strict about. Failing to follow the two basic rules of Baha'i marriage, assuming I get there some day, may get my voting rights suspended. If this is ever a relevant topic to a real-life situation instead of my what-if-worries, I'll make an inquiry through the community, to see what resolution there may be.

As for blessings, I have, through a local Baha'i friend's daughter, found a community out in the area that I will be headed to. Not only is there "a community", but there is a large, lively and very diverse collection of communities in the surrounding area. In one town, there are nine devotional meetings a month!!!! NINE! Here in Korea, we've been lucky to be able to get everyone together once a week! I am so excited! I have gotten emails from all sorts of people there, in all three of the towns in the area- two from professors at the university I'm looking into attending there, one from a military spouse and Baha'i, and have gotten a run-down of all sorts of folks out that way. There's a pretty decent military Baha'i group out there- something I never thought I'd get a chance to experience- as well as a very culturally diverse group. From the looks of it, there's a good probability of several bi-lingual folks out that way, and maybe I'll get a chance to learn Spanish like I've been wanting to. Who knows, maybe I'll finally meet a nice, single Baha'i man. (I took a peak at the facebook of one Baha'i there that was mentioned as a 'single soldier' and, well, in my friend Jerry's words- Great is God The Creator!)

I'm scared to leave Korea, as this has so much become my home, but I am blessed and excited to be going to this large, lively community. I have enjoyed Richard, Steve G and his family, Stedawa, Mrs. Yoon, Kilowa, Jaeran, and all the other Baha'is that I have been so lucky as to meet here. I will miss them so much. To become Baha'i in an international community was a true bounty, and it won't be forgotten. They sent me off today with shrimp, as they brought me in with strawberries. I've always joked that I don't do anything without food, and it seems this is true even when it extends to my faith.

It seems my internet connection is not conducive to uploading pictures just now, so I will have to load the picture of my Baha'i family here in Korea later on.