The Devil I Know

I'm leaving in less than 5 days.

There's a frustrating thought.

A Gypsy, a woman who's never known what home felt like, leaving the place that she feels she truly grew up, once and for all. I find myself terrified at the prospect of moving on from a place that's caused me as much pain as growth- though I suppose the two are, in some ways, synonymous. I suppose it's odd for me to feel so scared of something I'm sure I need so much, and something I have yearned for for two years now. The fact of the matter is, this doesn't confuse me.

You see, running is something I'm used to. Leaving a place so I didn't have to deal with the pain is what I did for the first 21 years of my life. The Army has forced me to grow up. Being stationed in Korea- one of the most trying assignments for most Soldiers- has been a major boot in my butt. It took me away from everything I've known, and completely disabled my coping mechanism of going away.

Now, as I prepare to return to the States, I realize that Korea has become the Devil I Know. This is the place I know how to function as an adult. Different scenery, different leadership, different peers and juniors and, well, this is a whole new beast. I may be able to run more, but now that I know how not to, well, it doesn't feel as critical that I do. How do I face the same people day after day, knowing I don't want to run anymore? How do I face a world that is infinitely more stable than the world I have known?

Will I ever learn to trust anyone? Even myself?