I finished cleaning and packing- what of it I did before the movers come tomorrow- about an hour ago. I'm exhausted, and still have plenty to do over the next few days.
I found out today that my departure may be delayed, which irritates me greatly, but I cooled my temper enough that I didn't snap on anyone. The gentleman at Travel was the kindest I could imagine him being, and it was appreciated.
I'm almost done with the paperwork process to get out of here, though not quite as far through it as I'd like. I spent some quality time with the washing machines tonight washing gear, uniforms and clothes to make sure everything that was getting packed or turned in would be in shape to do so. It took 6 loads and 3.5 hours for the laundry portion alone. I got a fair amount of reading done, though, as I was not leaving that much gear in the laundry room unattended.
I am almost numb right now, realizing that I'm really about to leave. There are so many people I will miss, and so many 'what if's' ringing in my head. While I want to insist I will be alone (independent) forever, one person has me questioning that right now. I have felt outrageous passion for a man before, and I have been in love. The feeling of having a rock under my feet and a partner, though, is something I haven't quite known before, and that is quickly changing. Jitterbug is not someone I expected to feel much for, as our first meetings were strained at best. Now, though, he has become someone I find myself depending on, and, too often, pushing away. I know I wouldn't push him away if I didn't care deeply for him (see, I have learned!) but that doesn't make it less confusing. We're making some smaller plans for the future, and if it works out, it works out. Right now, though, I don't see myself spending too much quality time with anyone else.
I have made some really good friends- Mr. DJ is someone I absolutely adore, to say the least- and I will miss so many folks here. I will miss a lot of people, and it will be hard to say goodbye to all of them... I just didn't expect to find it harder to say goodbye to one person more than the others.
Pirate Lady is going through some hard times right now, and she is very much in my prayers. I wish I knew how to help her, though I seem completely useless in her life right now, and I know I will miss her very, very, very much, so I stay out of the way, and try to make this all as easy as possible. I haven't heard any more from Rock Star, and have mostly closed off a lot of people that I'm not ready to say goodbye to. There are some, though, that I think I will be better for seeing in my rear view.
This is not, I think, what I meant to write about tonight. I'm so tired, I'm just not thinking all that clearly. I hope my brain works a little bit better after tomorrow's madness, though I expect I'll be still more tired then.
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