Forever Hasn't Gotten Here Yet

Interesting Revelation: One of the men that I fell for that I'm not allowed to be with had made a point of saying he was teaching me what I was worth. Guess what? It worked. It's not that I'm meant to be alone forever, it's that I haven't met someone who is on that level.
I need someone I really feel that connection to. Despite the closeness I feel already to both Jitterbug and Mr. DJ, neither of them are on that level. I can't have a real conversation with them about God- it's always very one-sided- and I can't imagine asking them to pray with me. The Baha'i folks I've been studying with have made me feel like praying is the most nautral thing to do with a group of people, and I've never felt that way before. I want my children to grow up knowing that God is their friend and confidant, and not some big scary dude you ask to watch over special occasions. I don't want them to have that longing for truth that I had for so many years. I have known since I was very young what I believed- I've never had too much trouble listening to my heart, it's been acting on what it said I struggled with- but it wasn't until I found the Baha'i faith that I knew I was home. I don't want someone who can't understand that. Is being a Baha'i an absolute must? No, but it would be a huge bonus for someone to be able to remind me of The Bab and Baha'u'llah and Abdu'l-Baha's words when I need to hear them most.
This revelation came to me in the back of a taxi cab on the way back to post this morning. I stayed out last night, I wasn't ready to face reality again. I wondered why I didn't feel more for Mr. DJ- he's a really wonderful guy, and he spoils me something fierce- and then I thought to myself how much I missed my friend who'd taught me what I was worth. As I sent him a text message, the truth came out: "I'm not settling because of what you taught me I was worth."
Wow.
My heart is still sad I'm leaving, but I'm so much more at peace with everything right now.
God Is Great.