Smoke And Mirrors (Mr. Marshal Mathers)

Smoke And Mirrors- July 9, 2010

I've liked Eminem's music for quite some time. At some point, though, someone pointed out to me that his mother, too, had Munchausens disorder, and he, too, was a survivor of the by-proxy variety. This brought a new search for me to find relatable peices in his music. It turns out, I would have had a harder time avoiding it.
His new album, Recovery, well, hits home. It's so interesting, if a little scary, to see that his music has reflected my own personal struggles almost perfectly throughout the years.
I sit here, with the video for "Not Afraid" (bought legally on iTunes, thank you very much) on repeat, astounded at the emotions it brings up inside me.
There's one scene, in particular, where he's walking down the street and gradually realizes he's surounded by mirrors, and then the fog/smoke rolls in... Lord, if I can't relate to that, there's not a thing in this world I understand.
These last two years in Korea have been a real learning experience. Mad as I was being sent here for my first duty station, I see why I needed to be here. Being in this place made me grow up. It cut branches, so to speak, so that other branches may grow. As I approach a year and a half sober, I see things so much more clearly. I see how much of my life was a smoke and mirrors game, if you will. So much of what I expected from people, so much of what I believed was true of myself, was all false. Believing these things was my way of coping with the harsh realities, and avoiding personal responsibility.
Now, realizing I will be 25 in six months, and seeing all the things I will do so much differently in my next quarter century, I am blown away by all I understand. I question if the level of understanding I have now is normal for someone my age- though normal is so subjective and the level of understanding I have is so lop-sided in some ways that I doubt an answer may be assertained.
So, Mr. Marshall Mathers, thank you for giving a girl something to relate to. Your influence goes farther than you may understand.