Heartbreak Funk

I can't stop crying. I miss him so much.

He was never really mine, how did I fall in love with him?

I can't figure out when it happened or how, exactly, but at some point he was no longer just my best friend. I loved him in a way I don't think I've ever understood was possible. I couldn't leave him alone. I knew it would end in heartbreak, I knew it wasn't meant to be, there were way too many reasons it was a horrible idea, but I couldn't let go of him.

This was never supposed to happen. He was just my friend, he was just being there for me when I needed someone...

I didn't know a broken heart could hurt so bad. I've always been able to just shut it off when I wanted to, but there's no dropping it this time. I just want him with me. It's never hurt like this before. Going through the divorce didn't hurt like this.

I got out of bed long enough to shower today, and ended up right back in bed. I haven't eaten, and I can't even make it all the way through getting dressed... I think one of my big brothers is about to come bang on my door n yell at me for not answering his text messages... I don't know, I really don't want anyone to see me like this... I'm so pathetic. I have 'Anything but mine' By Kenny Chesney playing on repeat, and I'm sitting here crying into his sweatshirt... I'm pathetic, and there's nothing I can do about it.