Recovery?

It's been more than a year since drank.

Right now, the urge is painful.

I am fighting depression as I grieve the loss of a relationship that, in all reality, was a complete accident and never should have happened. Love is not a voluntary thing.

So, I deal with my pain and grief, as silently as possible, wishing someone would come rescue me from it, but knowing full well that only time will be able to heal this wound. I hate this fact nearly as much as I hate knowing it is a fact. My heart is completely broken. Accidental though it was, I have never loved anyone so completely, nor has the end of any relationship ever hurt me so thoroughly. Despite it's inevitability, it's torn me apart.

I've been struggling to get out of bed, forcing myself to eat even once a day, and being so grateful for those rare hours when I am so busy I forget to cry. Being around people makes it worse, and it seems there's no place at all that doesn't bring on memories. I just want to be alone, to have time to myself, and to grieve in private, but it's back to work tomorrow, because my leadership is without spine. I just came out of the field, and all I want is some time to heal and to reorganize my life. It doesn't seem as though I stand a chance of getting that, though.

Prayer meeting, the one thing I was looking forward to this week, was cancelled, as one of my fellow Baha'is fell ill.

I am thoroughly miserable.