Wonderland Greatness

"I couldn't have written this any more beautifully than it's happening." I told him.

"You need to let go of the pen and let God write it for you." He told me.

I was astounded.

"I just want you to know who you really are, want to help you along your path to greatness." He told me.

These are the things that make me realize that this man was sent to me for a purpose. These are the things he says that make me reel back and realize that I really, really need to be paying attention.

"You're going to be a force once you've gotten your emotions under control."

I mean, really, has this dude only known me since Friday?

I'm not naive enough, at this point in my life, to believe this state of euphoria will last forever. There will, inevitably, be something that comes up, and makes this friendship more of a challenge. It's part of life. At the moment, though, I'm still in shock at all the things he's said that make that dusty little light bulb in the back of my head switch on. He hasn't known me for a week, and he's got the nail on the head.

It's not that there's this wonderful guy in my life that blows me away- though that definitely gives me hope. It's that there's this person who I have just met that sees greatness in me, that sees what I've always hoped/feared all along- that I am not just anybody, and I am not going to have the average, every day type of life. I stand out, as much as a person as a woman. I am strong, and I am not less than others like I've convinced myself. There are people who barely know me who see in me what I've fought seeing myself- the capability to do anything, and God's hand guiding me to accomplish His will. It upsets some people when I say I know why He made me as He did, but... I do. I'm not going to be an astronaut like I'd hoped, hell, being a writer would probably be a stretch at this point. I'm not going to be a famous musician or anything like that... I'm here to help people, and to show them that God and race and all these other things they've been scared to talk about aren't really that scary. I'm here to show people it's okay to open up and talk about these things, because that's the only way we're ever going to heal.

I'm not perfect, I'm not any better than anyone else. I never have been convinced of my own positive qualities, but I have to trust that the things I've been through that have made me this way, were because I needed to be this way. I needed to doubt myself, I needed to have this experience and pain. I needed to feel all of this, so I could help others. This journey has never been about me.

Things right now feel a lot like Wonderland. Everything looks quite familiar, in a very strange and unfamiliar way. The mushrooms are too big, the spirits are too visible, the colors are too vivid, and the path is too close. I am lost in my own Wonderland, staring down a road familiar in a very strange way...